Hail to the king, baby!
The modern superhero genre was created by a holy trinity: Richard Donner, Tim Burton, and Sam Raimi. Donner’s Superman made audiences believe that a man can fly. Burton’s Batman proved that the vibrant lunacy of the illustrated comic book page was translatable into cinema. And Raimi blew the whole thing wide open by demonstrating to the masses that, underneath the spectacle, superhero movies are tools for thoughtfully exploring the nuances of the human condition. To this day, Raimi’s Spider-Man 2 stands alone as the best superhero ever made — and you can’t argue with me because I don’t think we have the comments section turned on.
So, it’s with a great many double-fist pumps — and a healthy does of me screaming Feige! You’ve done it again, you son of a bitch! — that I share the incredible news that Sam Raimi will likely be directing Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness! This is a coup for Marvel, which seemed to have burned bridges with Raimi after canceling his Spider-Man 4 years ago. Raimi is a visionary — and a movie that has been described as a horror-superhero hybrid is the perfect fit.
It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.
We already knew this — so, I’m not sure why it made headlines — but, according to Kathleen Kennedy, Indiana Jones 5 is going to be a sequel with Harrison Ford, and not a reboooooooo. I hate that word! It makes me feel so gross in my soul. I also hate that every story about the movie seems to pivot to questions about whether Harrison Ford is too old to keep playing the character. He’s not, you ageist fools! Putting aside the fact that Ford looks at least a decade younger than he is and hasn’t lost even an ounce of swagger, one of Indy’s most endearing qualities is his physical vulnerability. Whether he’s getting punched in the face by Nazis, crashing a plane, or being mystically tortured by a stupid alien skull, Indiana Jones is always in just bit over his head. It makes narrative sense for the character to assume he can — and then try to — defy his age. For me, the only thing that matters is whether the writers can find a worthy MacGuffin for the man with the whip to pursue.
Oh! What if Indiana Jones gets hired for an expedition by a mysterious group called..the Dharma Initiative? Don’t tease yourself, me. #corporatesynergy
You want to play yet another game?
What happens when you combine mysterious footage, ominous music, and the words From Executive Producer Chris Rock? For me, it was utter confusion. Is this an SNL skit? Are Kevin James and Rob Schneider going to pop up for annoying cameos? Does Samuel L. Jackson (who drops an admittedly glorious m-f-bomb in the trailer) ever turn down work? Evidently, this is the next chapter in the Saw franchise — though the trailer doesn’t really make that clear, aside from the shot of Rock literally holding a saw like Cary Elwes did in the first. I stopped watching the series after the terrible third one, but I read the “spoilers” and know that the next 27 movies were about copycat killers or something. Not too clever! If there’s some big secret to be revealed this time, it surely must be better than another copycat killer. I’d say that Rock has big shoes to fill with this movie, but it’s more like infant-sized sandals.
He’s a little tired, a little wired, and I think he deserves a little appreciation!
If you’ve ever studied physics, geology, astronomy, astrology, spirituality, religion, philosophy, architecture, or any specific discipline of history, you will know that Nicolas Cage is one half of the force that keeps the fabric of the existence from tearing apart (the other is Jeff Goldblum). And if you’ve seen Mandy, you’ll understand Cage’s cosmic purpose. Next up are these two movies:
- Wally’s Wonderland: Cage will play a janitor who has to fight his way out of an amusement park when all of the animatronics become possessed. I think this is probably the sequel to the Book of Revelation. Oscar chances: 100%
- The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent: Not to be confused with Donald Trump’s delusions when he steps on a scale after a twelve-burger breakfast, this project stars Cage as a fictionalized version himself. In pursuit of a coveted Tarantino role, he somehow gets recruited by the CIA to take down a cartel boss. Obviously, he has to draw on the variety of skills he’s pretended to have in his movies. I really hope he takes his face off.
- Rumor has it that Rick Moranis is considering coming out of retirement for a new Honey, I Shrunk the Kids movie. Disney has denied the rumors, but where there’s smoke…well, who knows? The internet is full of lies. It could just be Satan coming up to grab the person who started a false rumor and got my hopes up.
- Speaking of rumors, take this one with a desert full of salt, but a website is claiming that George Miller’s fifth Mad Max movie begins production this year.
- The Matrix 4 has officially started filming in San Francisco. The set photos reveal nothing. But that won’t stop everyone from speculating wildly.
- After wrapping production years ago (always a great sign), John Turturro’s Lebowski spin-off, The Jesus Rolls, finally has a trailer. That was a horribly constructed sentence. Sorry. Also, sorry for sharing this. I couldn’t finish the trailer.
You might have noticed that I had no intro to this post. I also nearly had no outro, but then I wrote this.