Every year, somebody laments the onslaught of Hollywood sequels and spinoffs. And every year, there are more of them.
But this summer, Hollywood seems stunned that their preordained hits are failing at the box office. Most Mondays, there’s some self-serious, incredulous post-mortem about what went wrong. How could an X-Men movie bomb so badly? Why did the latest Godzilla under-perform? An animated movie about talking pets was supposed to be a guaranteed hit, right? And Men in Black? It’s one of the most beloved franchises in the cosmos! What could go possibly wrong?
Some Tinseltown moonbats seem to think that we, the movie-going public, have finally had enough sequels and we’re voting with our dollars. They think that this might be a moment of paradigm shift that fundamentally changes Hollywood’s future. I wanted to test this theory, so I spent a huge amount of time carefully mapping out hypotheses, crunching numbers, and precisely analyzing the results.
Just kidding! I spent about three minutes on Rotten Tomatoes, where I discovered something profoundly obvious: the successful sequels are good movies and the unsuccessful ones suck.
Let me provide a few proof points.
- Avengers: Endgame / 94% Fresh: Biggest opening of all time, plus just about every other record, too.
- John Wick 3 / 90% Fresh: Best reviews of the franchise, biggest opening of the series.
- How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World / 91% Fresh: Biggest franchise opening weekend.
- Dark Phoenix / 23% Rotten: Worst reviews of the two-decade series and worst opening, too.
- Godzilla: King of the Monsters / 40% Rotten: Lowest score for the three-movie franchise, lowest opening weekend.
- The Secret Life of Pets 2 / 54% Rotten: Much worse reviews than the first, much worse opening!
We’ve got a lot of big sequels left this year, like Spider-Man: Far From Home, Toy Story 4, Frozen 2, Rambo: Last Blood, Hobbs and Shaw, Terminator: Dark Fate, Jumanji 3, and The Rise of Skywalker. So, maybe I’ll writing a mea culpa in a few months. And I’m not scientist, but I’m pretty damn sure that Doc Brown and Egon Spengler would agree with my recommendation to Hollywood: STOP MAKING BAD MOVIES AND YOU’LL STOP LOSING MONEY.