McTiernan, you son of a bitch!

McTiernan, you son of a bitch!

McTiernan, you son of a bitch! 1920 1080 Christian Clansky

Stop everything I’m doing! I’m taking a break from neglecting Nothin’ or Triple (and overthinking our editorial strategy) to share some news that made me shriek with excitement: legendary director and convicted felon John McTiernan is returning to Hollywood for a sci-fi/action movie called Tau Ceti 4!

According to Screen Daily, the movie will star Uma Thurman and “takes place on the war-torn fourth planet in the remote Tau Ceti solar system, where three heavily armed strangers show up, size up the various oligarchs and military thugs who terrorise the place, and set about killing every single one of them.”

I guess that sounds like a cool premise, but who cares about the plot? Not me! All that matters is that John McTiernan is back in the director’s chair.

We usually don’t share breaking news because there are plenty of other sites that already do that. And honestly, there are like two other sites that even seem to even care about this story. That’s probably either because McTiernan pissed off all of Hollywood by hiring a private investigator to illegally wiretap a producer or because he directed the atrocious Rollerball. Dumb reasons not to care this announcement, people!

This news deserves celebration because during his 33-year career, John McTiernan has only directed 11 movies. Three are certified masterpieces – Die Hard, Predator (ahem), and The Hunt for Red October. Two are pretty damn great – Die Hard with a Vengeance and Last Action Hero (according to other people, anyway). And one – The Thomas Crown Affair – is the rare remake that is vastly superior to the original.

I guess it’s possible that McTiernan is so out of practice that Tau Ceti 4 ends up being a total clunker like Rollerball or his first film, Nomads. But over the last two decades his career has felt frustratingly incomplete and full of future potential. I’d like to think that, like a majestic phoenix rising from the ashy tennis courts of a white-collar prison, McTiernan has the talent and vision to reignite his career. Maybe he could even rescue the Die Hard franchise and give it a graceful ending?

Let’s get the cameras rolling. Yippee-ka yay!

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